I feel as though the energy, life, and will to write has been sucked right out of me the past few days and I'm at a loss for words. Me, at a loss for words? Never thought that would happen.
In case you're wondering why the lack of posts and about why it's been so "quiet" here with everything else that's going on in the world I thought I'd quickly fill you in.
The past few days have been hectic. Birthday parties, work stuff, and now Father's Day have grabbed my full attention as they should. However, yesterday morning when I signed on to check my email I read a very disturbing message.
One Look Up Fellowship reader wrote me on Wednesday 6/17. It was a really long, really emotional, and at times rambling letter. Yet, it was also a very moving and heart-wrenching letter about this individual's struggle trying to reconcile their past with their new found life in Jesus Christ.
All the details aren't important, but suffice it to say that it was CRYSTAL CLEAR that this person was being attacked by none other than Satan himself. The Father of Lies had him thinking (and believing) so many lies about himself that it was painful and sad to read from the beginning to end.
The funny thing is that I don't know this person, and outside of maybe one or two email exchanges have never corresponded with them before. Still, for whatever reason, this individual decided to write me in what was definitely a suicide letter. My heart sank.
At first, I thought that perhaps I was reading into things too much until I read comments like:
> "I was wondering: How many times God will for give some one who is saved? In the Bible it says 7 x 70= 490 times. If this is true then I'm screwed."
> "I have so screwed up my life so bad that the only answer I see is death. Death to me doesn't seem so bad. Plus my strength has all but left me. My daily fight because weaker with each passing day. And if I don't end this suffering then I am afraid I will succumb to it with out a care.I hate the man that I have become. My only hope is not for a future here and now, but in the New World, the next life where Jesus Himself is my teacher. Taking the lies and confusion out of His Word and Life. I cannot trust my own mind or heart anymore."
> "This is my view of myself: I am the true definition of a loser. I have no credentials , no education, I have grown fat and lazy,no motivation,no more hopes and dreams, the love and forgiveness in my heart grows dim, I am no longer salt or light I have lived my life in vain and now my time is coming to an end , I am a curse, a burdend for any and all, I was to my Mother and Father and to my little family. I believe the darkness has taken me and there is only one way out."
> "And what I do I will do for my family. Though we maybe separated awhile I end this curse this burden. God has given me nothing of power no poistion , no other, no title I am as invisible as it gets, the only power that I have that all flesh has and that is self destruction.I am tired of this fight it has raged for 34 years. I believe that my sins have arrived at the feet of God. I know that a person cannot keep on sinning and live, because sin leads to death. God has turned His ear from my prayers and sees me no longer. I am truly just a vapor in the air. I am beneath the very that people walk on. I have given nothing to society."
I was utterly speechless. Sadly, the worst was yet to come.
> "My prosperity is none. As I write this I know that people will do nothing but watch and see if I have the nerve to do such a thing. But that is just the nature of people.If you are a True believer then God will hear your prayer. Pray for me one more time. I will pray to God that He will grab me from falling and shake my very soul , though I am afraid that my prayer will go on deaf ears. All I want in this God forsaking life is a calling and to know that that calling is from Jesus. Three days I will ask. And after three days and I have not heard from God then I will truly know that I am a curse and God has given up on me. (Though I will never blame for given up on me , I gaven up on me awile ago) And after three days I will be no more. And I know that I will be forgotten after a time. I hope for that."
Not only was this an obvious cry for help, but it also included a specific timeline -- a call to action. I just about wept when I calculated his "three days" proclamation only to realize that he sent that message to me on Wednesday 6/17 and yesterday when I read it was Saturday 6/20 -- three days later! Oh my God was I too late!?!
Immediately, my fingers typed like never before as I wrote a response begging him not to do anything drastic. The pain from another personal experience with a family member only a couple months back was too fresh. I wasn't sure if I was in time, or if I could even make an impact, but I had to do something! I had to at least try! Many of you will recall that my wife's uncle took his own life back in April.
After sending the message I waited a few minutes for a response. Nothing. So, the next thing I did was look up this man's contact info via a search in the Yellow Pages from where he lives. Once I got that info, I then looked up the phone number for the local Police Department there and called them right away. Fortunately, they were very receptive and assured me that they would be sending a car out right away to check on that man at his residence.
That was over 24 hours ago. I haven't heard back from them. I haven't heard back from that individual. Naturally, I'm fearing the worst right now.
Please join me in saying the following prayer:
Heavenly Father, I pray that I'm not too late in coming to You with my prayer for Troy. He desperately needs Your help Lord! He is lost and drowning, but wants to live this life for You and Satan is making it so very difficult for him. I pray that he begins to see himself through Your eyes and not his own. Also, I pray that You stop the negative voices and negative thoughts being whispered to him from taking a toll on him. He loves You with all his heart and desperately wants a new life in Jesus Christ. Please renew his heart and mind and give him a heart and mind that is in line with Your perfect will for his life. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
The strangest thing about all of this? Typically, I check my email SEVERAL TIMES A DAY and usually respond to people the same day (if not, then within 24 hours). This was the first time in a long time when I went many days before reading all my email. Why!?!
Troy, if you're ready this right now please contact me to let me know that you're ok.
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