'The Other Hand' Has Me Conflicted
Posted by Jeffrey K Radt ("JRed") | Posted in Bible Study , Daily Bread , Prayer Requests , Revelatory Revival , Spiritual Growth , Week In Review , Welcome | Posted on Friday, February 26, 2010
12
Time away has been a mixed bag.
I won't call it a "mixed bag of blessings and curses" because I don't believe that anything "bad" per se has come from this experience. In fact, even the harsh realities that I've had to face and own up to will benefit me in the long run.
On one hand, I long for the days when I had the time to research and write about topics that I not only felt led to, but that I believed should be important topics of discussion within the Body of Christ. Additionally, I miss the daily fellowship and interaction with all of you.
On the other hand, I'm grateful for my sudden lack of free time because it has not only made me long for a deeper relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but because it has shown me just how much I have been missing out on -- solitude with God and His Word, genuine quality time spent with my family and friends, and even...sleep.
All kidding aside, today I find myself conflicted. I have no problem admitting publicly that I have allowed myself to drift too far from the shore when I was deceiving myself that I had already thrown the anchor overboard. I hope that the use of such a metaphor is obvious in what I'm referring to.
Conflicted, conflicted, conflicted.
Have I had a penchant for minimizing reliance on Scripture alone in all my writings here? It's one thing to proclaim a deep and profound love for Jesus Christ, but another thing entirely to actually demonstrate it by elevating His Word over everything else.
What I'm getting at here is that I feel pulled in another direction. Examining the work that I've done for His honor and glory in this forum, revealed to me that there seems to have been too much of a free-wheeling emphasis on personal experience and feelings -- something the Bible warns us against. I'm not saying that an online blog by a professing Christian can't be "personal" or that it can't contain "feelings" -- it most certainly should -- but I think I can honestly say that I don't feel good about anything I've done here.
Please hear me out.
Yes, I know that because I listened to the prompting of the Holy Spirit so many times in the past that the Lord has used me during those precious moments to help open the eyes of some who were blinded to the truth. I know that to be the case because I've heard from some of you who said as much. Praise God that He removed any fear or hesitation in me to write about things I knew would make me an outcast amongst family, friends, and colleagues. In the end, it was worth it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel as though while I've clearly listened to the Holy Spirit in those cases, I'm wondering if perhaps I didn't listen closely in other cases when I thought I was. I worry that my own ego and pride and self-interest overshadowed the only One that mattered. Pride comes before a fall, right?
Don't misunderstand me because I'm not in a dire place like I was back in August when sin and the guilt over that sin almost destroyed me in ways I never imagined. No, the place I'm in at this moment is one where I always want to remain. By God's grace -- nothing else -- He has propped me up and carried me through each day as if I were invisible. I don't want that to sound like I'm going through my life as though I think I'm untouchable or sinless or whatever. I just mean to communicate how I've felt His hand of grace over me in such a way that I never thought I'd live to see.
That being said, trust me when I say that my feelings of discontent with Look Up Fellowship is not the result of some "spiritual attack" I'm going through. I've been through several of those in my young Christian life (as mentioned, one most recently back in August 2009), and I know how to identify them. This is a completely different animal. The best way that I can describe it for all of you is to simply say that I get the distinct impression that this recent "hiatus" and "forced solitude" has exposed a hole in my spiritual life, or a chink in my spiritual armor. Once I acknowledged its existence, I instantly knew that I had a deficiency. Once I was diagnosed with a deficiency, I knew I already had access to the only prescribed cure for such cases.
As a result, I get the sense that if the Lord ever allows things to get back to the way the used to be around here (i.e. a high-level of activity, and multiple posts published each day, or something else entirely), then it will be done with a more mature, Biblically based presentation rather than me just cherry-picking verses to suit the subject matter of a particular column. That's what I have issue with the most when going back and taking a look at some of the things I wrote. In the end, I fear I've become what I said I hated the most -- too much style, not enough substance.
The good news? My desire to soak up Scripture like a sponge is palpable! I can't say that I've ever been in this place before. Rest assured, I intend to try and strike the right balance between "head knowledge" and "heart knowledge" because I don't want to become some kind of a Pharisee mind you. I just want to get a better handle on the Word of God that is so readily available to me because the truth of the matter is that I hardly know as much as I should especially when I try to exhibit a "Christian" image on a regular basis in various places like this blog.
So, please bear with me as I learn as as go. Yes, I'm sure I'll still be led to explore the "fringe" issues of this life and attempt to explain them with a Christian perspective, but I'm praying that any analysis of that kind we be much more rewarding to your spirit (in the sense that it strengthens your faith and brings you closer to Jesus) than previous columns.
Thus, I may be conflicted at the moment, but I'd say the conflict with my conscience has been resolved thanks to the grace of God.
Share
I won't call it a "mixed bag of blessings and curses" because I don't believe that anything "bad" per se has come from this experience. In fact, even the harsh realities that I've had to face and own up to will benefit me in the long run.
On one hand, I long for the days when I had the time to research and write about topics that I not only felt led to, but that I believed should be important topics of discussion within the Body of Christ. Additionally, I miss the daily fellowship and interaction with all of you.
On the other hand, I'm grateful for my sudden lack of free time because it has not only made me long for a deeper relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but because it has shown me just how much I have been missing out on -- solitude with God and His Word, genuine quality time spent with my family and friends, and even...sleep.
All kidding aside, today I find myself conflicted. I have no problem admitting publicly that I have allowed myself to drift too far from the shore when I was deceiving myself that I had already thrown the anchor overboard. I hope that the use of such a metaphor is obvious in what I'm referring to.
Conflicted, conflicted, conflicted.
Have I had a penchant for minimizing reliance on Scripture alone in all my writings here? It's one thing to proclaim a deep and profound love for Jesus Christ, but another thing entirely to actually demonstrate it by elevating His Word over everything else.
What I'm getting at here is that I feel pulled in another direction. Examining the work that I've done for His honor and glory in this forum, revealed to me that there seems to have been too much of a free-wheeling emphasis on personal experience and feelings -- something the Bible warns us against. I'm not saying that an online blog by a professing Christian can't be "personal" or that it can't contain "feelings" -- it most certainly should -- but I think I can honestly say that I don't feel good about anything I've done here.
Please hear me out.
Yes, I know that because I listened to the prompting of the Holy Spirit so many times in the past that the Lord has used me during those precious moments to help open the eyes of some who were blinded to the truth. I know that to be the case because I've heard from some of you who said as much. Praise God that He removed any fear or hesitation in me to write about things I knew would make me an outcast amongst family, friends, and colleagues. In the end, it was worth it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel as though while I've clearly listened to the Holy Spirit in those cases, I'm wondering if perhaps I didn't listen closely in other cases when I thought I was. I worry that my own ego and pride and self-interest overshadowed the only One that mattered. Pride comes before a fall, right?
Don't misunderstand me because I'm not in a dire place like I was back in August when sin and the guilt over that sin almost destroyed me in ways I never imagined. No, the place I'm in at this moment is one where I always want to remain. By God's grace -- nothing else -- He has propped me up and carried me through each day as if I were invisible. I don't want that to sound like I'm going through my life as though I think I'm untouchable or sinless or whatever. I just mean to communicate how I've felt His hand of grace over me in such a way that I never thought I'd live to see.
That being said, trust me when I say that my feelings of discontent with Look Up Fellowship is not the result of some "spiritual attack" I'm going through. I've been through several of those in my young Christian life (as mentioned, one most recently back in August 2009), and I know how to identify them. This is a completely different animal. The best way that I can describe it for all of you is to simply say that I get the distinct impression that this recent "hiatus" and "forced solitude" has exposed a hole in my spiritual life, or a chink in my spiritual armor. Once I acknowledged its existence, I instantly knew that I had a deficiency. Once I was diagnosed with a deficiency, I knew I already had access to the only prescribed cure for such cases.
As a result, I get the sense that if the Lord ever allows things to get back to the way the used to be around here (i.e. a high-level of activity, and multiple posts published each day, or something else entirely), then it will be done with a more mature, Biblically based presentation rather than me just cherry-picking verses to suit the subject matter of a particular column. That's what I have issue with the most when going back and taking a look at some of the things I wrote. In the end, I fear I've become what I said I hated the most -- too much style, not enough substance.
The good news? My desire to soak up Scripture like a sponge is palpable! I can't say that I've ever been in this place before. Rest assured, I intend to try and strike the right balance between "head knowledge" and "heart knowledge" because I don't want to become some kind of a Pharisee mind you. I just want to get a better handle on the Word of God that is so readily available to me because the truth of the matter is that I hardly know as much as I should especially when I try to exhibit a "Christian" image on a regular basis in various places like this blog.
So, please bear with me as I learn as as go. Yes, I'm sure I'll still be led to explore the "fringe" issues of this life and attempt to explain them with a Christian perspective, but I'm praying that any analysis of that kind we be much more rewarding to your spirit (in the sense that it strengthens your faith and brings you closer to Jesus) than previous columns.
Thus, I may be conflicted at the moment, but I'd say the conflict with my conscience has been resolved thanks to the grace of God.
Share
Wow, praise GOD, Jeff. Sounds like the LORD is reeling you in!
Hang in there, HE will lead you.
FATHER, You are so awesome and precious. I love the way You love us!
Dee
Growing pains sonny, just growing pains....get plenty of sleep, take your vitamins and just "BE" ! Trust, breathe, see with new eyes. God is working in you and rearranging some things.You are a blessing and the Issachar article is quite prophetic! Everything is all gonna work out.Did you know that growing pains in the natural actually hurt sometimes !?! That's wild... but so is our God. Thanks for sharing and looking forward to future articles as always brother...KTF b/c HE will never leave you or forsake you or let you OUT OF HIS HAND...wow, a real selah for sure...
Dear Jeff,
I have been thinking about this for the past week so it's interesting that you should post this now.
Ecc. 3:1,2 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted....
Maybe your season for watching is at an end. Believe me, you have done an admirable job for God. It seems that there are others now who have emerged and are doing an excellent job of watching, too, in a different way.
Maybe you're supposed to just concentrate on your relationship with Him now. Only He knows what is in store for you and you should seek His face diligently for what your next step is.
I, personally, want to thank you for all you have done to make us aware of truly how close we are to the end of time as we know it here on earth.
I pray for God's hand of blessing to be on you and yours. I look forward to meeting you someday in that "mansion in the sky". It's going to be a reception like none we've ever attended!!
Kim
jeff
I am very happy to here you say this!!! I have been praying for this for a long time now!
take your time and put out true spiritual information, don't let lucy entice you into his world of babyl!!!
investigate and compare to GOD"S WORD, before going off half informed. on the many subjects concerning the end times prophecy!
also I don't know you well enough, but you seem to have a sembalence of GOD given common sense?
I suggest you pray for more, and ask GOD to guide you with the HOLY SPIRIRT in all things concerning this site. for the sake of HIS name JESUS CHRIST!!! that is what I pray for everytime I see you wander into the abyss!!!
so jeff I am proud of you this day, because you have shown maturity and desire to know the GOD"S honest TRUTH concerning all things!!! please try and not dissapoint GOD!!!!!!!
GOD please shed YOUR GRACE and YOUR PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE of the ways of your chosen people CHRISTIAN"S, on jeff that he may help to spread YOUR WORD and YOUR TRUTH to the unbelieveing souls lost in this evil world!!!!!!! amen
john
FATHER, with quakes in Haiti, Japan and Chile in such close timing; with the fact that parts of Hawaii are looking at tsunamis and people being prepped to get to higher ground, LORD lead us to YOUR higher ground through YOUR HOLY SPIRIT. Draw our hearts closer to YOURs. FATHER, I feel this calm/sobriety coming over me. LORD YOU are LORD! Thank you for giving me Psalm 19 the other day. May YOUR name be praised in all heaven and earth! Please be with YOUR people today. Have mercy on us in our weaknesses LORD. Strengthen us through YOUR power. In JESUS name I pray, amen...
Dee
Jeff, your enthusiasm for this work has really inspired me to dig deeper into end-times studies, and it has changed my whole day-to-day perspective on living each day as if it's my last on this earth. Your blog is the first one check each day b/c I know you'll have lots of food for thought, and things that make you go hmmm:).
Going deeper with God and allowing Him to work in you is ALWAYS the right thing to do, but please don't feel like your efforts at LUF have been wasted in any way. You are a true blessing to many people!
people
just to let you know there was an 8.8
earthquake and 20 aftershocks, with a magnitude of 5.0 or greater in the country of chili over the last 24 hours. creation is groaning more every day!!!
GOD preserve your chosen children!!!
and help the unbelievers in this time of destruction so they may call your name LORD JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!! amen
john
I recently told my youngest child (21 y/o) that life with the Lord is a sort of "sine wave" of times of intense activity, alternating with times of resting. Do not believe the lie that the times of intensity are times of "greater usefulness", or that the times of "resting" are times of chastening or some special time of growth. It's ALL a time of growth, until we see Him face to face. And it's ALL a time of being used. For if He waited to use us until He had finished His work in us, He'd never use us this side of glory. These are just the patterns of life with Christ, just as the temporal life has its patterns.
BTW, I have not always thought you were right about what you said, but your words have the background music of the Lord in them. He has used you, and OF COURSE your flesh was in there too. He was the only one who ever did it differently than that.
I have not idea what you just said in that blog post but will be praying for you and your family. I miss you insight.
I disagree with most of the comments on this one JRed. Now is the time to push forward with your work with as much balance in your personal/vocational life as possible. The light at the end of the tunnel is visible and for those without Christ, it is a freight train coming their way. Follow your heart and post as much as you can. Maybe find a partner that can help research? Either way, push forward!
Hey Jeff
I am a man walking in those very shoes, two and half years ago, it has not stopped yet. Brother I have seen a lot of growth in your writing, and will enjoy watching your turn of events again. Spirit loves change, and the man in us does not......
Jeff your an intelligent and gifted writer, you will do well as you have.
May God bless you here
Amen
I will be watching
Dominick From WSOPNE.org
Keep posting stuff like this i really like it